Waiting to Exhale

It's like I'm holding my breath (not physically), waiting to see how certain things in my life are going to fall into place.  I believe that's fairly normal. 

However, I also sense that it is not productive.  I mean productive in a sense of proactive.  Yes, I believe things that are in the pike for me fall into place after a lot of work on my part, but also when it is the right time.  My problem has always been waiting for that right time. 

I want to charge ahead and get to doing what I believe I am supposed to be doing with my life NOW.

We live in a society of cliques and clubs and communities.  I separated those for a reason.  Cliques are prone to shaming/blaming/excluding.  Clubs are prone to excluding.  Communities are there for everyone else.  Communities are the workhorses of society.  Those that belong to Communities belong because of their brokenness, their "unfit" nature to belong to either a Club or a Clique.  Broken folks are some of the most hard working people on the face of this Earth. 

I'm a broken folk.  You're a broken folk.  We are all broken folk.  However, some of us are more willing to see that within ourselves. 

Now, what does that have to do with my holding my breath, with my impatience to get on with things?  Well, it's a bit of a rant about how my getting on with things right now is in the control of a Club. 

Am I saying that I am being held back from doing what I am called to do because of a Club?  Yes AND no.  The particular Club I am referring to is one to which I actually belong.  This Club has its expectations for preparation.  I understand that.  However, I realize how all of this fits together into one giant exercise for me in submission.

Yep.  Submission.  I truly can't stand that word -- which is another clue.  Submission is the area in my life where I definitely have growing edges.  (Laughing here.)  Definitely.  Can I say that again?  Definitely.  Yet, growing edges are great! Growing edges are exactly that: opportunities to recognize where I need to work on something and THEN work on it. 

So, this Club, in its exclusionary sort of language, is actually pushing me to do the work I need to do.  I have one word for that:  UFDAH!  No, it is not an acronym for anything.  Ufdah is a Norwegian word of emotional outburst!  Great word.

In the midst of my growth toward better submission, I am also carrying out the ministry to which God has so definitely called me.  Submission makes me a better minister.  Period.  Funny that.