I am struggling with pain today.
Of all things to happen, while kicking a soccer ball for our dog Scooter, I managed to miss the ball and kick (VERY HARD) an exposed brick. I broke my big toe! Add to that the numbing agent wearing off from the surgery I had today to remove a basal cell carcinoma from my nose.
What I have been gifted in this though is a better understanding of how constant, chronic pain affects one's spirituality. I realize that a lot of folks experience me as steadfast in my faith, and this might come as a surprise -- I was more worried about my brush with skin cancer than I admitted to very many people. Yes, I prayed for strength and courage; I prayed that the surgeon would be skillful (and he was); I prayed that the surgery would not reveal any deeper growth (and it did not). So, I am grateful to God for these things.
Yet...yet as bearable as my pain is, it reminds me of other times in my life when I have endured much greater pain with much less grace. When I cried out to God for relief and found none. When I was angry with God for not making it better NOW!
This pain is teaching me compassion and understanding. This pain will keep me focused on God. That sounds a bit convoluted to me; however, it's true in a sense. If I keep focused on what God is showing me, deep in my heart, through this pain, I will learn something important. I will learn something important to me, my journey, and perhaps something I can share.
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