Experiencing a time of struggling with what I want to do versus what God apparently wants me to do leaves me pulled in two directions. The whole experience is very disruptive to any sustained spiritual peace. Yet, spiritual peace is overrated actually. In my experience, I have grown more deeply and well during times of wrestling, times of disruption -- as uncomfortable as those times are.
This experience leads me to consider my time sitting with God. From all accounts, God seems to be asking me for some uninterrupted time with my soul. I'm considering how best to manage my time so that God gets that uninterrupted time and I don't lose too much sleep. Of course, perhaps that is part of the cost of admission to God's uninterrupted time.
I ponder the religious vocationals. The offices have them up at 2am and again at 4am and on it goes. The Rule of Benedict structures our lives around prayer; yet balances the way our relationship with God is viewed. Whether one's activity is one's work, one's leisure, or one's prayer -- all is done with glory for God.
So, how might I better structure my time, balanced and with glory for God, so that my peace is productive? Perhaps during my uninterrupted time that God seems to be arranging, God will reveal some ideas!
More later...
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