While sitting with my spiritual friend this afternoon, he said that he felt it was time for me to sit with God for a while. You see, I find myself at a confluence of thought, emotion, spiritual questing, and physical tiredness.
A confluence is a meeting of two or more flowing water sources -- at least in my experience that's what it is. My use of that word is very deliberate. In my experience of my own thought processes, the way my emotions work, the spiritual journey I've been on, and the way my body responds to stress, it's all flowing. I have been learning to go with the flow of my life rather than pushing the river. So, you can tell, I'm all over the water metaphors!
The undercurrents of a confluence can be very strong, confusing -- misdirecting -- exhausting. I've been struggling with having a divided heart and mind about my relationship with God and how I accomplish God's work given to me in the world. Apparently, it is time for me to sit with God.
Now, when I sit with God, when my mind and heart and soul are full, I don't converse with God. I simply sit and listen. Admittedly, I do begin my time sitting with a prayer of thanksgiving, of submission, of opening my heart to hear. Then...I listen.
It's amazing what I hear. The simplest things become rich, music-like. The rustling of tree leaves, the honk of a goose, the crunch on pavement of someone walking, the smell of whatever is in the air at a given moment, the feel of the chair, bench, ground that I'm sitting on -- all of these sensory experiences wrap me and invite me to drop deeper into an experience of God's presence than I normally allow.
That's when the silence envelopes me. A silence that is thick and sweet. A silence that is permeated by love, pure love, indescribable in its acceptance and unconditional essence. The love of the universe. In this spot, I hear, I receive -- what I can seldom verbalize, yet when I return to the world, things are clearer, struggling is gone, acceptance and submission are possible and a joy, a sublime joy permeates my heart and my spirit. Answers to my questions may or may not be present, may or may not have risen to the top of my consciousness, but joy is there.
Gratitude. Grace. Amen and Amen.
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