A powerful, thought-provoking insight....

Give me a well-trained tongue that has been borne out of silent listening in the sanctuary of my heart.

~ sevensacredpauses by Macrina Wiederkehr

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

The next bit...

I've recently found out that I have a very curable sort of skin cancer, in one very small place.  Yet, the mere mentioning of the word cancer has sent me in a spiral of considerations. 

There have been other, more serious surgeries in my past; however, none have contained THAT word.  There is something singularly frightening about cancer.  We hear so many sad and horrible stories.  Yet, there are also survivor stories that are uplifting, inspiring! 

This short side-journey of mine has been illuminating to me as to how my mind works -- how my faith works.  When I initially heard the diagnosis and proprosed treatment, I panicked.  On the inside, of course, not letting it show until I got back home.  Then I sort of fell apart.  I was depressed, worried, confused, and totally didn't know what I was doing!

An important thing to know is how fortunate I am to be married to a man who is steady -- very steady.  As soon as we saw each other, his steady button got punched (rather hard), and he did his thing.  Reassurance, a hug, confident words.  I knew then, and I really always know, that as long as I have him in my life, I will be just fine.

Now, the faith part revolves around what happened next.  After my husband managed to talk me off the precipice of fear I was determined to climb, I realized something.  First of all that God was surrounding me, as usual; that my husband had helped me to calm down enough to realize the Presence was still there. 

Then, I felt my need to have prayers said for me and knew this was another opportunity to share my "stuff" with a new community of faith.  I teetered on a weird edge of being sad because I didn't have my old community of faith to share it with and knowing that I have a new community of faith waiting for me to give them something of mine to pray about.  Now, first of all, I know that I could have called up the prayer person at my previous community of faith and they would have been happy to pray for me; but I didn't want to!  (Just a tinge of toddler-ness in this attitude!)

So, I sent off my email to the prayer ministry coordinator for my new community of faith and almost immediately received  a response that they would be praying for me; I also received another email from one of the ministers letting me know that she was praying for me.

This journey from one place to the next; from home to a new apartment -- has been a journey of bits and pieces.  A journey of realizations; of sharing; of building trust; of letting go; of connecting with.  Initially, I was a bit worried about the transition; yet, I must admit that the transition has been one enabled by a lot of love and care and patience and curiousity.

I tend to think that if most of our journeys could be suffused with the attitudes of love, care, patience, and curiousity, those journeys would be much more enjoyable and enlightening.  We'll see how this journey of mine continues!

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