A powerful, thought-provoking insight....

Give me a well-trained tongue that has been borne out of silent listening in the sanctuary of my heart.

~ sevensacredpauses by Macrina Wiederkehr

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Letting Go, Part 2

I'm sitting on my bed in a relatively comfortable position given my sciatica. I must admit that it is much better today than yesterday. I was in tears yesterday because I was seeing all my carefully laid out plans falling to pieces because of pain. Pain over which I thought I had no control. So I gimped around the house yesterday, sporadically taking ibuprofen, drinking water, and generally feeling really crappy. My emotions were gloomy, my prayers were gloomy. It was Halloween after all! At one point, in tears, I called my friend who is a massage therapist and asked for help, deep tissue help. Well, late yesterday afternoon, she was able to work on my back and leg and I thought make some progress. However, that was before I got off the table. As soon as my feet hit the floor, it seemed as though nothing had changed. So last night, I stayed home to hand out candy (luckily only a few kids came by) while the rest of my family went out to a small party and trick or treating. That was okay. I had listened to my friend's advice and began taking the ibuprofen on a strict schedule -- so as not to let the pain get the better of me. I was reading, watching bad horror movies on TV, cruising the net -- all while relatively comfortably situated on the couch. I made the sad decision to notify my pastor I wouldn't be at church this morning and the program coordinator for my class which starts tonight that I might not be able to attend. I began letting go of my plans.

I also began praying. I was praying for my family's health and safety while out trick or treating. I was praying for my prayer partner in this class for her preparation. I was asking God to relieve my pain and make it possible for me to go to this class. Most of all, I was praying for the wherewithal to be still, to let go, to not have to be moving around and doing. So, I took my muscle relaxer and went to bed last night thinking, well I'll probably be allowed to transfer to another class later on and my pastor is quite capable of leading the Sunday school class all by himself! I slept like a log til about 4:00 am when I gimped into the kitchen for my ibuprofen. What has happened is that as my body as awakened (after coffee and a warm shower), I realize that my leg is better. This time, however, I am resisting all notions of "doing" again. I am remaining still and quiet -- continuing reading and preparation for this class tonight. What God has done is given me a certain quietude within me to make that possible. God has also reminded me that my neighbor who is quite elderly has offered me the use of her car (with an automatic transmission) in the past and would most likely be happy to help me in allowing me to borrow it for this week. I'm not feeling desperate. I'm feeling like things are working out how they should work out and I simply must keep doing my part.

I am also hopeful that if I can make it to this first session, that one of the participants there will pray with me about my sciatica and bring with that prayer continued healing. Hope. God is so good at giving hope. Presenting it for viewing. Our responsibility as a prayerful people is to see what God is offering. Open our eyes and hearts willingly to receive that which God offers. Sometimes it isn't very easy to do. Sometimes it takes an awful pain in the leg to get our attention.

No comments: