God begins where clinging to things ends

I love that little line. It puts a lot of my spiritual journey into perspective. It puts a lot of my life in general in perspective. When I have stopped clinging to the way things were, to the way I thought things were supposed to be, I have found God waiting, patiently, to show me the way things really are. I have found God waiting, patiently, to show me compassion and mercy. Healing is just around the corner. Understanding is too.

What I have found, though, is that when my progress slows, it's because I'm clinging to something I need to let go of. When I realize what that thing is and I let go, the relief and release is incredible, and then I'm off again on this tremendous roller coaster ride that's been my spiritual journey of awakening and transformation for the past three years.

I like the word "tremendous" because it reflects the true nature of everything that's happened in my life over the last three years. Physically, emotionally, spiritually -- relationships, beliefs, knowledge -- when I allow myself to look back, I am in awe of how far away from old ways I've come, yet how enmeshed with some old ways I remain. That's where the letting go comes in. Eventually, I need to go further than I can without letting go. That's when my journey slows and I have to process what it is that's holding me back. It's like untangling my foot from a net. Feeling the pull to move forward, but being held back. It's difficult work at times, untangling myself from the net of old thinking, of old habits. But I offer myself solace in that it is a small bit of myself I'm untangling. It's okay. Just a little bit more. I know, in my heart of hearts, that I will eventually be completely untangled, but I can't allow that to creep in when I'm negotiating with myself. Comfort comes from the strangest places sometimes!!

Comfort, indeed, comes from the strangest places. So does encouragement. Frequently, my encouragement comes from very contrary places -- either from within my own tangled thinking or "out there" somewhere. A person who normally is very cautious or unsupportive will suddenly say or do something suprisingly supportive. Or at least something I end up drawing support from. God is in the works!