Tuesday, September 29, 2009
My heart is troubled. We've all had those arguments or been involved somehow in a squabble that left us feeling defeated and blue and wondering what to do. That's where I am right now. I wonder what I'm supposed to do now. The funny thing is I know what I need to do and I feel stymied about doing it. My prayer practices have definitely suffered because of this conflict. I haven't been praying as routinely or regularly as normal. I think I know why. I think it's because I don't want to hear from God. My ears are shut; however, I know if I pray, then I simply must listen. Nope, don't wanna. As much advice as I can give myself, receive from friends, etc., won't have nearly as much impact on my choices, my decisions, my actions as will both the Word written and spoken. That's the spot I'm in, because I know. I can't plead ignorance. I believe that's why I feel so stuck right now, because I'm choosing not to listen, not to even attempt to talk with God about what's going on . . . how self-defeating is that!?