A powerful, thought-provoking insight....

Give me a well-trained tongue that has been borne out of silent listening in the sanctuary of my heart.

~ sevensacredpauses by Macrina Wiederkehr

Sunday, August 24, 2008

A Balancing Act

A balancing act. I'm coming to accept that life is a balancing act and that, right now, I'm not very balanced! My son, who's 10, has had an exceptional sense of balance since he was born. He walked at 8 months old and ran at 9 months. He's climbed walls and trees (scaring me half to death). He performed at our school's Arts Showcase and illustrated just how balanced he is -- he balanced objects like peacock feathers and yard sticks and plastic sabres and cardboard tubes on many different parts of his body -- it was incredible. He totally captured the attention of the audience. Needless to say, in addition to being captivated, I was proud.

My son is not just balanced physically, he is also balanced emotionally, which I feel like says a lot about a 10 year old boy. His mother (me), on the other hand, is rather off balance, off kilter we used to say. It's time for me to regain balance in my life. This call I have from God to do work in the world, to help bring peace and healing and justice to the whole people of God has unbalanced me. Unbalanced me in my sense of proportion. I don't have a college degree (or even part of one) -- so my immediate educational options for pursuing this call formally are gaining a bachelors degree and a masters and being ordained -- or (this is the route I'm taking) enrolling in a certificate course through a local seminary through which I will be eligible to be licensed within my congregation -- the process taking around 3 years. I can "always go to college", this route can be "a step" along the way. (These are phrases I've heard lately.)

The unbalanced nature of what I'm going through is that roller coaster that I've been on my whole life. I'm intelligent, hard working, successful in 95% of what I attempt, good at learning on the fly and making up for lost time. Lost time -- that's the key. That's what I want to do right now, is make up for lost time. I want to jump in with both feet and be doing whatever it is God has called me to do. Oops! That's just it. What exactly is it that God has called me to do. Gee, could it be possible that I'm doing what God wants me to do? What if it is God's plan for me to learn my way into this. To learn my way, slowly, into this? Whatever "this" turns out to be? God knows my modus operandi. I was built that way. I'm beginning to see the lesson I'm supposed to be learning. Maybe God wants me to learn what I need to learn (both emotionally and intellectually) and be a witness along the way to God's love, mercy, compassion, and companionship.

I think the nature of my feeling unbalanced is my baggage -- not God's plan. God will use me whenever and wherever it pleases simply because I am open to receive instruction, open to be what I need to be, when I need to be. Maybe that is my call. Perhaps that's a call we all have.

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