Well now. It's July 24th--more to help me with my own bearings than you, dear reader, with your's.
My memory while "fairly" stable is changing in a way. Having never been "here" before, I find it hard to describe. While some things are still sharply in focus, there are other memories that are as though they appear through a blurry window. I can recall the memory generally, but cannot bring it into true focus. I am learning to let go of that frustration--it is not helpful. I remember learning that lesson with my mother as she struggled with her own memory. My mother's way of handling it was to "fill in the blank spots" with hyperbole and imagination. That might sound entertaining, yet it was frightening to experience. My mother was an angry person most especially upon developing Alzheimer's. I sincerely hope I do not go down that route. I believe her own way of dealing with her memory issues was to blame other people for deceiving her. Ralph is exceedingly honest and already calls me on things I say or do that appear to be reflecting my choice of building my own reality. LOL It is all good as far as I am concerned.
Ralph and I are exceedingly fortunate to have a family far and wide. Our local family includes our friends from being long time contra dancers as well as friends of ours from our time as parents of school-age children. In my role as a caregiver support person I have come into contact with many supportive folks in the caregiving world whom I plan on touching base with fairly soon to get some relationships "reset."
Even though there are only the two of us living here now--well, that's not quite accurate. We do have Bonnie and Clyde who keep us loved and very honest in their canine sort of way. I have already had meaningful visits with Thomas and Felix which warmed my heart and helped me feel "safe' in a way that I didn't want to acknowledge I needed.
Learning to live with Alzheimer's, I believe, is learning to live honestly with one's limitations and with one's needs for support. Both of those things: limitations and needs for support, will change over time. Sometimes the changes will be fearful, surprising, and bring relief.
Living with Alzheimer's is simply that...living. I look forward to continuing this journey for as long as I can. See you all around.
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