Time Away

 Yesterday I was gifted with some special time with my Soul Friend, Phil Foster. Phil and I have known each other for decades--at one time he was my Spiritual Director.  We see each other some times--not nearly enough for me actually because I truly treasure his presence. So, our day spent at the Monastery of the Holy Spirit in Conyers, Georgia, was so much more than a trip to a beautiful place. The time we spent in silence as well as conversation was powerful for me. We attended Vespers with the monks before returning home. I have always loved the interior of the Sanctuary and grabbed a quick photo before leaving. It wasn't the first time I've taken that photo. Unfortunately, my phone won't "give it up."  LOL

My time there, whether individually, with a friend, or a group, is always deeply spiritual and satisfying. The simple and sacred beauty of the surrounding natural setting lends itself to contemplation and listening--very much so to listening. I have always felt God's Presence there. Powerful.

I came away physically tired and spiritually full.  Can't think of a better way of spending time with a friend and God.

Bearing Witness to the Beauty of the Earth

 

Earlier this evening I went to the grocery store to pick up a few items. On the way, I was confronted with some of the most dramatic cloud formations I have ever seen. Living in the Atlanta area, I am used to seeing impressive thunder clouds. These were something out of the ordinary. In high school, I would have been able to name every single formation!  Not anymore.  LOL  Of course, I took pictures with my phone...none of which turned out as dramatic as the original. The one below was the most impressive!

When I pulled into the grocery store parking lot, I noticed even more stunning formations. I chose to park a couple of cars away from a stationary police SUV with very dark windows. LOL I got out of the car and very slowly approached. The officer stepped out of the vehicle and immediately asked if I needed assistance, was I okay? I answered that I was okay yet stunned by the beauty of the cloud formations and I wanted to point them out to him. He stood there and looked at me with a quizzical expression on his face. He lifted his face and took note of the splendor. Then, he said something that I find fairly sad. He told me that very rarely does anyone stop to simply point out the beauty in the world. He thanked me profusely. I was touched because I realized the truth of what he said.

I realized the interaction between us was lacking in any tension--surprise, yes--and was glad I stopped and shared a moment with him. 

Ufdah

 Yes. Ufdah.

For those who may not be familiar with the word, "Ufdah" springs from a Scandinavian word of discontent. There are various spellings. However, all those spellings tend to sound the same and can be said with the same ferocity.

Ufdah! Is good for stubbed toes, knees knocked on something hard, or even difficult diagnoses.

It is practically the first word I uttered when I was given my recent diagnosis. Ufdah. Yep.

I have a follow-up appointment on Monday with my neurologist and will hopefully be helped to understand certain changes in my body that I've been noticing. 

My emotional state has been fairly stable for which I have been grateful. I do tend to try to keep most of that to myself or my journal or a couple of dear friends. 

Journaling. Yep. Can't keep a writer down!

Is It Too Soon? Tell me if you think it's too soon.

 Is it too soon to offer a view on this whole experience? Or, perhaps, I shouldn't say "whole" experience since realistically it ain't no where near "whole."  

Today has been an odd day. My memory has been better today than it has other days this week, in general. My ears are ringing as loudly as ever! Ufdah!

I have an appointment on Friday with the neurologist who diagnosed me. Hopefully, I will be able to speak with him for a grand total of 15 minutes...via a phone call!  I do not want to make my way down to midtown for a 15 minute office visit! I have a portal message in for him to inquire whether we can change it to a call.  It's Friday...horrible traffic in Atlanta most any time of the day...it's Friday and Ralph needs to be in the office not driving me to a doctor's appointment that could easily be a phone call.  My oh my ain't I cranky! 

Prayers would be much appreciated to in some way move this doctor to some common sense.  Hmm. 

Doubts, Fears, and Curiosities

     I have been around folks living with dementia for decades now and have often been touched by their doubts, fears, and curiosities. By that I mean, those with whom I have interacted have never hesitated to voice any of those! Most of the time, I was with them in some manner of caring presence--mostly as (1) a daughter or (2) a minister. 

    When my mother had advanced far enough into the disease that she was not sure of our relationship, we bounced among sister, daughter, cousin, neighbor, and unfortunately...enemy. Dementia, in my new understanding of it, is an unpredictable disease and appears to affect each person differently in its details. I am at the stage of physical symptoms (exhaustion, muscle weakness, and memory loss/confusion). This week I am seeing a physician with the hope of understanding more about those very symptoms, especially the current muscle weakness.

    The previous 24 hours has seen me deeply confused as to time--the subtleties of the time of day as well as the passage of time. I seem to easily lose a firm connection as to how much time has passed--which is a very odd thing and seems to live in the back of my head at the base of my skull. LOL  I am not sure why it feels so present in that particular place; who knows.  These are reasons why I am looking forward to meeting with this additional doctor. We shall see.

    All I can ask is that you stay tuned and keep me in your prayers.

Getting Into the Swing of Things

 Well now. It's July 24th--more to help me with my own bearings than you, dear reader, with your's. 

My memory while "fairly" stable is changing in a way. Having never been "here" before, I find it hard to describe. While some things are still sharply in focus, there are other memories that are as though they appear through a blurry window. I can recall the memory generally, but cannot bring it into true focus. I am learning to let go of that frustration--it is not helpful. I remember learning that lesson with my mother as she struggled with her own memory. My mother's way of handling it was to "fill in the blank spots" with hyperbole and imagination. That might sound entertaining, yet it was frightening to experience. My mother was an angry person most especially upon developing Alzheimer's. I sincerely hope I do not go down that route. I believe her own way of dealing with her memory issues was to blame other people for deceiving her. Ralph is exceedingly honest and already calls me on things I say or do that appear to be reflecting my choice of building my own reality. LOL It is all good as far as I am concerned.

Ralph and I are exceedingly fortunate to have a family far and wide. Our local family includes our friends from being long time contra dancers as well as friends of ours from our time as parents of school-age children. In my role as a caregiver support person I have come into contact with many supportive folks in the caregiving world whom I plan on touching base with fairly soon to get some relationships "reset." 

Even though there are only the two of us living here now--well, that's not quite accurate. We do have Bonnie and Clyde who keep us loved and very honest in their canine sort of way. I have already had meaningful visits with Thomas and Felix which warmed my heart and helped me feel "safe' in a way that I didn't want to acknowledge I needed. 

Learning to live with Alzheimer's, I believe, is learning to live honestly with one's limitations and with one's needs for support.  Both of those things: limitations and needs for support, will change over time. Sometimes the changes will be fearful, surprising, and bring relief. 

Living with Alzheimer's is simply that...living. I look forward to continuing this journey for as long as I can. See you all around.

Long Time, No Write

 I previously wrote blog posts more frequently. Life has been hectic, busy, interrupted, and interrupting.

So, I find myself in words that I type, more than those I speak. I have recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and find it amusing that I continue to be able to write with ease. I am guessing because I am not "remembering" but rather inventing on the spot.

So, we will see how this goes. I am aware that I am not the only individual with Alzheimer's who is sharing their journey online. I am continuing my journey as a writer of nonfiction.

So, today is June 30, 2026.

A little background. I am married (35 years). I have two awesome sons. I am a published author of two non-fiction books: Love, then Listen and also Relentless Love, the Tenacity of God. I am proud to say that I also am a co-author of an awesomely helpful book for those caregivers who are looking for spiritual support entitled "Tapestry of Love, the Spirituality of Caregiving." Caregiving is a hard job, difficult exactly because of the affection involved in the care that is given.  I have been a caregiver in some form or another over the last 30 years or so. Some of you who already know me will know these things about me.

When I write something like a blog post, I share "immediate" things without a whole lot of introspection. You are invited to let me know if you have a question or curiosity about me or my work. 

I am trained as a spiritual director. Previously, I was a licensed minister in the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ). I also have about 40 years' experience as a legal secretary. Oy. How is that possible? I greatly enjoyed being a secretary actually. I am a born listener! 

As I continue writing this blog, you will get to know my family which includes my husband and our two sons as well as our two "magnificent" hound-mix dogs, Bonnie & Clyde. We have had these two since they were puppies and they are now 3. Ufdah. What an adventure that has been. You may even be graced by their photos at some point..