Still Breathing in Fresh Air

 I enjoy the fact that our house sits next to these trees. In the Spring, Summer, and Autumn (and here in Georgia--many winters), we have our windows open and have the luxury of fresh air. Fresh air even though our house is within 1/4 mile of Interstate 285 outside of Atlanta. In fact, our entire neighborhood sits in a forest of sorts and most of the builders left a good number of mature trees which shelter us from stale air coming in from the highway.

As I have been adjusting to the fact of my recent diagnosis with Alzheimer's Disease, I have found that breathing deeply helps get me started (in a very good, bright way) in the morning. It really is my belief that we have such "good air" because of these trees. So, there's another reason for my gratitude and appreciation. Also, if you're not from Georgia, you may not realize that our Autumn can cover many....months. We have yet to hit freezing which means that our leaves will remain fairly green until we do. That keeps us guessing; keeps me wishing for cold temps because I miss our vibrant fall colors--reds, golds, yellows, and oranges.

Keeping on breathing fresh air is a good thing. Good in a way for many things: staying alive, thinking deeply, keeping a brain well-oxygenated, as well as our muscles. There should be no surprise that we have been made to live on oxygen. As I began processing more deeply my diagnosis, I began thinking about the "small things" that I could do in order to improve my brain health, my health in general, and my mood. The first thing that I have begun doing is working in the yard and taking some walks. Deep breathing is a by-product of both of those activities. 

Another way of improving--or simply maintaining--my brain is by having deeply connected relationships. Tonight, a long-time friend of mine had asked if I wanted to attend a free concert at a local Episcopal Church by an Early Music Group. It was a fascinating experience! I had a lot of fun watching how some of these instruments were being played as well as the beautiful music that was being provided by these talented musicians. The instruments were all "period appropriate." Some were very similar to modern instruments; some were definitely without any reference for me personally. After each brief segment, the Director would provide lovely commentary on the history and composition of the music within that segment.

One interesting note for me, personally, was made regarding the Renaissance flutes that were being played. Beautiful, all wood (walnut or some other dark looking wood), all one piece, no valves. Yet...and this is what I found so interesting...the flutes' sound was beautiful, soft yet loud enough to hear in our setting, mellow, just gorgeous! While we were very good audience members and did not talk during the performance period--as soon as we moved out of that space, we began talking about the music, the venue, the fact that we both wanted ice cream, and where the best place was near to us. Really. Serious topics.

So, we found a Bruster's near the venue. Got our ice cream and ate it sitting outside. Yes, outside. It's currently 55 degrees. So, we were sitting outside eating ice cream in 55 degree weather. Now, why, you might ask? Not sure. We both simply needed to talk. What I found and experienced with my friend tonight was not new; yet she is someone who is able to bring me out of my funk. 

Knowing that there is someone whom I can call and believe that they will help me leave the "funk" behind is invaluable!

What Seemingly Changes Overnight

 I am a political person--in that I vote in each election I am qualified to vote and I always have an opinion about those running and the person(s) for whom I will vote.

As I was watching the news roll in from around the country following elections yesterday, my heart was stirred. I also hesitated to truly celebrate because of all those folks whose candidate did not win. A candidate they felt would be the best person to fill a position did not end up with that position. That said, I am always delighted to learn that there were no wide-spread riots, lynchings, or fires that are often seen, sadly, on our TV screens following elections in other countries. We have moved through those democracy growing pains. While we are still working on becoming a "more perfect union," we still have our work cut out for us--and constant maintenance--of the rights we each have. Our truth is that there very well might be some complaining, even protesting a newly elected person; yet, when all is said and done the newly elected person does, indeed, get a chance to show who and what they are--sometimes to the surprise and delight of voters who doubted or who were dismayed.

In the US, generally, we have term limits for almost every public office. Admittedly, an official can immediately turn around and run for another term in a year or so. Yet, the time that lapses is often enough to give voters the space to consider how the new person is doing compared to the previous person--and make their decision on that and not on nostalgia. Ours is not a perfect system. We are not a perfect union. Why? Because we are not a perfect people. I am glad that we have safeguards in place to help save us from ourselves during a bad election!

Kudos to those who are now elected to new offices and responsibilities. Please receive this privilege and pay the cost that comes with the privilege--deep integrity and love of your constituencies.

Ladder to Heaven?

 Have you ever wondered if it would be possible to climb a ladder to the "real" heaven?

When I took this photo, I was not holding that thought. I was thinking about the striking contrast between the clouds and the sky and the trees in the foreground. I actually didn't think much about the antenna. Now, though, as I have revisited this photo occasionally, I tend to look more closely at the antenna. There is a sort of symbolism that is speaking to me: reaching higher? seeking something? spreading some news? 

In addition, I now see small dark clouds hanging out on the upper edge of the main cloud. I am certain there's a creature wearing dark glasses hiding in the upper border, looking down at the Earth. To my eyes, it may be a cousin of the yellow bird wearing dark glasses that would terrorize Snoopy.  Hmmmmm.  Do you see anything special?

The Antenna now catches my attention. There is something in my heart that I am worrying over. An antenna broadcasts information usually in radio signals. I'm not sure, truthfully, what this particular antenna broadcasts. I pray that it keeps its thoughts to itself. Our brains are like that, you know? Keeping those things we need to deal with, think about, talk out with a trusted person most often in the forefront of our minds. Yet, we are still "in control" of our decisions around what to speak of and what to keep to ourselves. The question is whether to share what we are thinking about with a trusted person; to seek guidance on how to consider certain actions we take or refuse to take; to dig more deeply into our interior life

All of our lives include bright skies, white fluffy clouds, and dark rain clouds. That is the nature of life. We need the rain to help with the water supply. We need the water to survive.  All basic biological needs. We also need those bright white fluffy clouds that lift our hearts and eyes upward. Those white fluffy clouds hold the water we need, yes. However, those white fluffy clouds can also hold hope, promises, and dreams.

One more thought: the antenna running up through those white fluffy clouds perhaps could be understood to be an anchor, or a flag pole, or somehow a divining rod.  An anchor holding me in reality?  A flag pole to send up...what? My prayers to God for understanding? Increased compassion for myself and others? A divining rod brings power out of the sky into the ground or other suitable receiving structure. 

Perhaps that is the true meaning of this photograph. God sending me power to be and do what God has given me the gifts to be and do (i.e., a suitable receiving structure). I have a few folks in my life who are my teachers, supporters, and cheerleaders. The one common word they would all utilize in describing me? Undeniably, "vocation." They would all agree I have a vocation. Now, for those of you who may not be familiar with that word in its "religious" meaning, having a "vocation" means that I have been "called" or "set aside" or "meant" to be a particular sort of person within the organized religious world. 

I have felt that vocation since my late 30's. I was at one time a licensed minister within the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) and my duties were to provide a regular worship and communion service within the local community's dementia care facilities. I loved being able to do this. I felt so fortunate to be able to be a conduit of God's Presence, Word, and Work to these wonderful people living in the sometimes difficult world of their own minds.

That very work was shaped by my way of receiving God's grace through the sacraments as well as prayer and study. Continuing to this day, I always partake of the sacrament of Holy Communion as often as it is offered (and sometimes additional times when I am headed out to a particularly difficult care situation). 

When I think about the spiritual practices which have upheld me in this vocation, I would list them as prayer, reading the scriptures and other holy readings, contact with a spiritual friend or director or mentor, and one of the most important spiritual disciplines for me is to belong to a strong faith community. The strength of such a community comes from its corporate spiritual practices as well as the practices used by the individual members. 

I am leaving you with this question: "What are you doing as a Christian to strengthen your faith?" I urge you to find a loving, living faith community. Add reading the "spiritual classics" to your morning routine. If you are a member of a faith community, meet with the pastor and ask for advice and counsel. They will gladly meet with you and work on deepening your faith. 

One last suggestion: First thing in the morning, open your eyes and pray; open your heart and read something from scripture or a devotional. Sit quietly and allow all of that exposure to the Holy Spirit land. What rises up in you as you wait? A prayer? A poem? A list of questions? Write it all down! Keep listening and keep writing.

Let me know.❤

Losses

 Yesterday was one of the hardest days of my recent life.  I found out that my friend, briefly co-worker, an extraordinary pet carer, wise woman, intuitive genius was in the hospital. She had suffered multiple strokes over the last few weeks. My heart aches. My head is cloudy with anticipatory grief. My prayers have been demanding. My tears, plentiful.

Admittedly, Margie and I have never simply picked up the phone to chat; yet, when we would see each other, our stream of consciousness talk would be hilarious! There was nothing I could do. 

Well, of course there was! I went to the hospital and I stayed present to and with her and her long-time companion and friend for a few hours. Not nearly long enough. Margie could have known I was there in her eerily aware sort of way that I firmly believe was still hard at work regardless of the lack of any outward showing. I had brought with me a small vial of anointing oil that I gently applied before I left, adding a prayer for peace, Grace, and wellness.

I woke this morning feeling a bit angry actually. Why Margie? Well, for most of us when we feel the threat of losing someone we love, we might react that way. I think it's fairly normal. When we love someone, why would we be so ready to let them go, right? She is in a hospital in midtown--a place to which I am not overly familiar with driving. Interestingly enough, I was fortunate to find a parking spot right outside the entrance door to the level on which her room was located. Admittedly (for those of you who are familiar with my way of asking God for directions), I had asked God for as much help, direction, and reassurance I could be given! Thank you, God. I found it and her. Later, when I was so very tired, I knew I needed to go home. Honestly, I thought I remembered how to get to the parking deck and just let my legs take me--and as my psychologist reminded me, my procedural memory did the rest. I found it easily--parked in the beautiful, immediate space where I left it (Credit to God, I believe).  Even though it was raining, I made it home safely. The weather certainly matched my emotions. 

I am still shaken this morning. Selfishly, I desire Margie to stay. Yet, what if Margie is ready to go? Who am I to stall the process of her life?

Yes, the process of her life. All of us will eventually die of one thing or another. Depending upon one's outlook, that "process" may be different. If Margie makes the decision to let go, I will not begrudge her the peace that awaits her.

The Oak -- Loving Stewards

 When we first looked at our home 20+years ago, this tree was present, and fortunately for us, has kept growing. It now provides shade for our entire house and back yard. Beautiful all year around, it has been a pleasure to have such a "presence" in nature in our lives.

When I think about the imagery I carry about this tree in particular, I am thankful for its presence. This tree has seen our family's triumphs, failures, celebrations, losses, and new relationships bloom. Under its shady presence we have hosted many backyard BBQs and band parties, birthday parties, play dates...all resulting in a tremendous heritage of laughter and love for which I am exceedingly grateful. 

We have a relationship with an extraordinary arborist company who comes once a year to just check up on this beauty. That check up has resulted in some very careful and pointed pruning to "lift some weight" off. Given that this tree is actually a "community" tree (as I call it), I want to keep all of its members healthy so that we don't lose any of it. 

Now, this tree sits exceedingly close to our house. Since it is a very healthy tree, the trunk has kept growing, the roots have kept sinking deeper, and the canopy has expanded. It's about time for its yearly exam. I wonder if in some way the tree worries? Will I be okay? Will I need to be pruned? Will it hurt? I hope it also understands that the Reileys are good, loving stewards and will take care of it.

As I was writing this, I started thinking about those "loving stewards" that I have in my life. My husband Ralph, my dear brother David, my pastor Rev. Hardy, and--not to forget--my Rabbi Mitch. (My Rabbi has kept me sane and on the right path many times! He also gives me assignments to complete! LOL)

I hope, as you read this, you stop to consider who your "loving stewards" are in your life--now and perhaps in your youth. As a community, we rarely officially get assigned a loving steward. I believe, as individuals, God sees to it that we are drawn to those who can be a loving steward for us.  My prayer for you today is that you may indeed have a loving steward or are willing to seek one out. If you choose to seek one out, ask those you trust to perhaps suggest someone. This is a journey worthy of your time and space.

May you find peace and good will in your life today.

Changes in Perspective, Trust, Listening, and Deciding

 I took this photo a couple of years ago and have kept it as an occasional reminder that fall returns and brings with it changes in perspective. Plus, I love the orange and green combo.

The title of this post is a result of conversations I have had recently with a couple of my dear mentors. I am moving through a time of decisions with respect to my health, my occupation as a writer, and how I want to move forward in my life. 

Each of these conversations were difficult to have, to hear, and to consider. Each of these mentors are beloved by me. They have stood with me in some difficult times, making difficult decisions, and learning hard truths. Yet, they have also been with me to celebrate so many more opportunities! The cycles of life take us through seasons (yeah, I know, corny--but true).

I have entered into a season of my life where my health is rather "insecure." Plainly, I have been diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease. 

Ufdah. There, I said it. 

My hope for my future--whatever it may hold--is that I maintain my faith, my sense of humor, and my relationships with my loved ones (family and friends and mentors). 

In this moment, I am deciding to stay. I am not sure exactly what that will look like in the next months or years to come. If we are honest, none of us know that, do we?

One more hope is that those of you who follow this blog will return and keep up with this journey. I would love to hear your thoughts; have you share your prayers if you would; and also funny things to help me keep my sense of humor well-tuned.

I am also open to answering questions from you as to my faith journey. I will be sharing some of it here: questions, answers, even pleadings.

If you are moving through a neurodegenerative disease or know of someone who is, you are welcome to let me know that I will be making a prayer list of folks who request it.  Also, know that prayer is central to my life in general and my spiritual way of being in particular. Prayer will keep me centered in my faith and my spiritual practices of devotions and meditations.

I will be doing my best to post some prayers that come to me and help me in any particular way in this journey. You are welcome to use them, share them, and even let me know what you think of them.

Be kind. Take good care of yourself and those you love. Thank you for being here.

Life's Little Labyrinths

 

Life's Little Laybrinths

I came to love and appreciate labyrinths early on in my spiritual journey. My first experience of one was at a Disciples Women's Retreat many years ago. I fell in love with the slowness of it; with the simplicity and complicated nature of the "walk." I was gifted the lap labyrinth in this photo quite a few years ago and have treasured it since. The tapestry it rests upon I have had for decades, something picked up at a Salvation Army Store no doubt, my having been drawn to the colors and forms reflected on it. I have always wanted to share this with someone who could recognize a language within the forms and let me know what it communicates. That has not happened as of yet. So, here is your invitation...do you know if the forms on the cloth are of a language or simply an artistic form? If a language, can you read it?

Colors and textures and time taken to walk and think--all things I have found holy over my lifetime. The small pottery "word" stone in the center says "Blessed."

Recently, I have begun a new journey through a relatively unknown territory--a labyrinth if you will. At the beginning of the year, I was diagnosed as having early stage Alzheimer's Disease. As much as I would like to claim it was a shock, it wasn't really. I and my husband had been recognizing some serious memory glitches that were not familiar to me or him. While it is a difficult diagnosis to decode and figure out how to live with and through, we are managing at this point.  Obviously, I still have my words. I can still type (after 40+ years of being a secretary, I don't believe it would be possible to forget that skill). Our young men are still "taking it in" I believe; yet, I am sure they are with me and will remain with me throughout this journey. We have raised two very sensitive and kind men who tend to take to heart and consider difficult topics and happenings in their lives. I trust them and their hearts.

As to the title I chose for this post, life--for all of us--is full of little Labyrinths, of struggles that we must navigate, must find our way through. The beauty of a labyrinth is that there is a path. It sometimes takes patience to find and follow the path through our life's struggles; yet, knowing the path is there brings a certain solace to those who may be starting out on a new path.

On another note, my sweet friend Gael reminded me today that I have spent many years working in this "world." As a licensed minister in the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ), I brought communion to a couple of assisted living facilities near me at least two Sundays out of the month. I found it so fulfilling because within each of those dear ones whose minds had become confused and thoughts/memories were failing, there was one--ALWAYS one--that remained. It was a memory of who and what communion was about. Those times were truly holy ones; times that resonate with me now, especially. This past Sunday I served as Communion Assistant and found myself exceedingly impacted by the act of sharing communion, of praying and blessing and being with the community itself while we all received this Holy Meal.

I will stop here. I find a certain holy satisfaction in where I am in this moment--in my mind and soul.