Getting Into the Swing of Things

 Well now. It's July 24th--more to help me with my own bearings than you, dear reader, with your's. 

My memory while "fairly" stable is changing in a way. Having never been "here" before, I find it hard to describe. While some things are still sharply in focus, there are other memories that are as though they appear through a blurry window. I can recall the memory generally, but cannot bring it into true focus. I am learning to let go of that frustration--it is not helpful. I remember learning that lesson with my mother as she struggled with her own memory. My mother's way of handling it was to "fill in the blank spots" with hyperbole and imagination. That might sound entertaining, yet it was frightening to experience. My mother was an angry person most especially upon developing Alzheimer's. I sincerely hope I do not go down that route. I believe her own way of dealing with her memory issues was to blame other people for deceiving her. Ralph is exceedingly honest and already calls me on things I say or do that appear to be reflecting my choice of building my own reality. LOL It is all good as far as I am concerned.

Ralph and I are exceedingly fortunate to have a family far and wide. Our local family includes our friends from being long time contra dancers as well as friends of ours from our time as parents of school-age children. In my role as a caregiver support person I have come into contact with many supportive folks in the caregiving world whom I plan on touching base with fairly soon to get some relationships "reset." 

Even though there are only the two of us living here now--well, that's not quite accurate. We do have Bonnie and Clyde who keep us loved and very honest in their canine sort of way. I have already had meaningful visits with Thomas and Felix which warmed my heart and helped me feel "safe' in a way that I didn't want to acknowledge I needed. 

Learning to live with Alzheimer's, I believe, is learning to live honestly with one's limitations and with one's needs for support.  Both of those things: limitations and needs for support, will change over time. Sometimes the changes will be fearful, surprising, and bring relief. 

Living with Alzheimer's is simply that...living. I look forward to continuing this journey for as long as I can. See you all around.

One of Those Weeks

I've just finished one of "those" weeks --  you know, the kind where the boss is out of the office all week and there's all this "open/easy" time there for use in catching up on all those things that get behind when things are crazy....Well, this week didn't quite work out that way.  Admittedly, my desk looks a whole lot better than it did last Friday; however, it isn't all done.

I've spent a lot of time this week spinning my wheels--not sure of which way to go, what to do next, etc.  A few unexpected things came up this week; in addition, our family has had a little drama going on as well.  Our favorite word is "ufdah" -- it's a Norwegian word of emotional outburst and is to very applicable to so many occasions! 

Gratefully, my husband nurtured me this week; he also helped me make the decision to go dancing earlier tonight.  So, I've had an opportunity to get some physical activity in to help clear my head.  Clearing my head...yup, that's a good idea.  I have an interview in the morning with our denomination's Regional Minister and a graveside service to offer Sunday morning.  Lots to think about.  Now, however, my body is tired and my mind is at ease.

I'll definitely keep my sermon journal by the bed in case I wake up in the middle of the night with inspirations.  God is funny like that!  I think it's because all of my defenses are down when I'm tired.  So the synapses might fire a little slower, but in the end, they fire a little more relaxed as well, keeping the lines of communication open longer.  The feeling is almost like a warmth spreading through my body, beginning in my head! 

Yummy stuff.  I see words like light and joy and healing and hope radiating with God's love.  I believe those words are the words most helpful to hear at a funeral.  They will be the basis of a short homily.

Sorry, can't keep my eyes open any longer.  g'night.

Stepping Out in Faith

After three years, a year and a half of those as a commissioned minister, I am stepping away from my position as Director of Caregiver Spiritual Support at First Christian Church of Decatur. I have been listening very deeply to God, friends, and colleagues over the last year in an attempt to stay close to God's call for my life and this ministry. This past February, in a conversation with my pastor and mentor, he suggested that I "go back to the basics." I took his advice and began taking the Caregiver Spiritual Support Ministry back to its basics: prayer and listening. I prayed and listened. As I met with folks who had an interest in the Ministry, it became clear to me that my time as its Director was coming to a close.

With this transition away from the Caregiver Spiritual Support Ministry to which I was commissioned, I am also taking off my robe and stole. This is a painful step for me because my role as a pastor brought me much joy. I enjoyed marrying folks! Yet, what has dawned on me while working my way through this river of grace is that what actually brought me so much joy was the time I spent with the good folks at Northlake Gardens Assisted Living residence, many of whom are cognitively challenged. This insight is bringing me back to the basics of God's call on my life: bringing a ministry of worship to those living with dementia.

Since 2008 that has remained my passion; unfortunately, my passion became derailed as I directed a more generalized caregiver support ministry. Now, God is asking me to step out in faith, to return to my Spirit-led passion, and begin caring for those who have entered the great silence. My prayer is that I can become a resource to churches around the state whose congregations are facing the dilemma of how to care for those whose ability to communicate, to be an active part of the community has been compromised by dementia.

So, as I transition away from this phase of my ministry and away from the faith community which nurtured me into ministry, I grieve and I hope. I have hope and faith that God will place me where I need to be for whatever is coming next. I will have both hands outstretched to receive it.

I have no idea what God has in store as far as a commission; perhaps it's time for me to head to seminary to become a fully-ordained minister. What I do know is that God is good; God is gracious; God gives us abundantly far more than we can ask or imagine!