A powerful, thought-provoking insight....

Give me a well-trained tongue that has been borne out of silent listening in the sanctuary of my heart.

~ sevensacredpauses by Macrina Wiederkehr

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Being a Wounded Healer

I am a wounded healer.  I have been a caregiver in some capacity all my life.  God has gifted me with the capacity to listen with a compassionate heart.  I use those gifts every day.

Recently, I posted the following on my Facebook account: Ham salad...check; deviled eggs...check.
I've hit a wall. I've refused to think about why I was preparing these foods. I'll go get a shower and let it all out. I'm tired of death. I'm tired of grieving. Ufdah. Love you all out there. God's solace is there for me, too. Please keep the Delk family in your prayers.  
 I was instructed by two things: (1) the limited response to that post that I received on Facebook and (2) the rousing response I received to that post off Facebook. 

As caregivers, we are strong.  Yet, also as caregivers, we are broken.  Part of supporting caregivers is allowing them to be wherever they are -- strong or broken or a little bit of both.  Be not surprised!

Over the last 8 weeks, I have lost three people who have been very deeply embeded in my heart.  The first was Lonnie, an older gentleman who had been a mentor and friend; the second was Wesley, a member of my dance community killed in a senseless act of violence; and the third was Lyman, an elder-emeritus at my church, a man who always had a kind, supportive word for me.  My grieving work has only just begun.

I have posted previously this summer about the importance of doing that work--the work of grieving.  Of allowing it all to be there, to come in its waves, and to recede.  Now comes the part of being a wounded healer.  I cannot separate the two.  I am wounded, yes.  Yet, I am a healer too.  I found myself three weeks ago desperately wanting to be able to separate those two, yet not really.  God has given me the ability to listen, to be present to others in their grief, to pray, to say what needs to be heard.  I simply cannot, at this time in my spiritual journey, say no to God.

God gifts us with abilities and desires us to use them as needed.  So even in our own grief, we can speak from a place of compassion for others--AND OURSELVES.  Even though we are healers, it is important for each and every caregiver to realize that compassion is there for us as well as those for whom we care.  God's perfect solace is there for others--AND OURSELVES, as we grieve the losses in our lives.  We must remember to open our hearts just a titch and allow that solace to seep into the  wounds we carry.

Yes, I am a caregiver.  I am a wounded healer.  I live. I love.  I lose.  I grieve.  I listen.  I pray.  God is there.  God is good.  All the time.

Grace abounds,


Lysa Humildad said...

Grace to you. I too have suffered great loss fairly recently. You have expressed yourself here beautifully.

Love & prayers.

Daphne said...

Thank you, Lysa, for your response to this article. My heart and prayers are with you in your grieving work.

Albert Camus Quotes said...

At 30 a man should know himself like the palm of his hand, know the exact number of his defects and qualities, know how far he can go, foretell his failures - be what he is. And, above all, accept these things.
Albert Camus