Tuesday, January 6, 2009
The last couple of weeks have been difficult in a variety of ways. Emotionally, I have been hiding from my grief, from my reluctance to let go of pain and anger. I found that, in a big way, I had isolated myself -- refusing to reach out and honestly ask for a listening ear, a compassionately present conversation. Today, I finally "gave in"; I finally listened to that inner voice telling me to shout it out to someone. Needless to say, I feel tremendously better.
Spiritually what I was doing was isolating the Christ within. That might sound simplistic, but it's true. I had been praying for help. I had been asking Christ to join His voice with mine and lift my cries to God. Maybe that's what got me through the last few days, but I think that's what got me to finally reach out. I allowed the Christ within me to reach out to another, taking me along, so that I could share what I was feeling, question what I was feeling, and come to some closure about it all, some understanding. I still have work to do, some blessing and releasing to do, but I'm clearer about what it is I'll be blessing and releasing. That's the work of Christ -- bringing clarity into my heart and my soul.