A powerful, thought-provoking insight....

Give me a well-trained tongue that has been borne out of silent listening in the sanctuary of my heart.

~ sevensacredpauses by Macrina Wiederkehr

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Getting Out of the Way

Have you ever been so aware of God's engagement in your life, yet felt saddened by changes (good ones) simply because it's so obvious that you're not in control?

Weird question, right? Well, I'm in the midst of grieving. Grieving the loss of my recent status quo. Grieving the loss of what feels like a tremendous amount of responsibility that had been allotted to me quite by accident, by assumption, by enthusiasm, that I had come to enjoy, but for which I am obviously not ready. So, I'm experiencing some extreme emotions while trying to cope with changes, with the realignment of my life with God's reality. It's difficult. It's all good, though. That's part of what makes the feelings I'm in touch with seem so ridiculous.

When I can step back from my emotions, my feelings, and get a true sense of the rightness or appropriateness of my new status quo, I am obviously in a better situation, well-supported and cared-for, yet I can't seem to give up my sense of having been "held back". I believe those feelings arise from my feeling of being left out of the conversation. Those feelings will be addressed in time. This is all something I must simply allow to settle, I believe. I've never been one to simply allow things to settle. Nope. That is one of the hardest things for me to do, to allow.

Yet, there are definitely times when God expects us to. . . It's only when we stop that we can hear God speaking to us. When I can manage to stop, to allow the dust, or maybe vibrations in the air, settle, it's amazing what I hear from God. This has been an extremely difficult period of change so far for me. I'm hoping that as I take the time to be quiet and still, I will be shown God's mercy, God's hand in all of this. Be brought into the conversation. That's what I'm praying for anyway.


No comments: