A powerful, thought-provoking insight....

Give me a well-trained tongue that has been borne out of silent listening in the sanctuary of my heart.

~ sevensacredpauses by Macrina Wiederkehr

Friday, June 26, 2009

The Cost of Being Too Busy

Today's been an irksome day. I've been being bothered in a way by my conscience. I have a friend in my neighborhood who's in her 80's. She and I have become closer since our mutual friend Grace passed away a little over a year ago. However, this past spring I just got "too busy" to walk down the street. What was I doing? I was taking classes in the Certificate of Spiritual Formation course I'm enrolled in; I was doing PTA business with my kids' school; I was feeling overwhelmed with what was happening to me, in me. Somewhere along the line, I forgot that my ministry begins at home. My ministry begins in my neighborhood. I became so focused on "out there" that I lost focus as to what was really important -- friends and neighbors.

I believe that's what came home to roost this afternoon. So, I walked down the way and sat and visited with Mary. It made me unbearably sad to see how she had changed physically in the last few months. She was very forgiving and appreciative of my "busy-ness", but as I was leaving, she said she just figured that I had already lost my mother, I had lost our friend Grace . . . and that I just didn't want to befriend another old woman. It brought tears to my eyes because there is some truth of that in my heart. I quickly hugged her and promised her I would be back. That's a promise I must keep. I'd say that's a covenant.

I think we all go through stages in our spiritual development. I believe I'm entering a time of inventory -- again. Early on there was a long period of time of closely looking at who and what I was. As I look forward to being able to have an office to work in separate and apart from my house, I've been considering ways of transitioning from work to home. The thing is, I won't change, just the job. What's important is how I integrate the ways in which I have grown and the ideas and beliefs that I have developed about the kind of person I want to be into a whole, full-time, faith-full person. God simply won't allow me to hide behind the ministry I work in to keep from dealing with the ministry I live in.

Fear is present; I know that. Fear of who exactly I'm melding into being. I don't feel terribly ready to go there yet. I do know that I am forgiven -- both by Mary and by God. Now's the time I show it.

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